To My Dearest Ah Ma 挚爱的婆婆

我可爱的婆婆,解脱了。

原本以为婆婆会更快离我们而去,
但她熬过了2020,给我们多一个月的时间。
这一个月,我们都知道,时间真的不多了。
所以,再累,我都会去探望她,
把我有的时间都用来陪伴。

婆婆这两个月都是痛苦的,病痛缠身,不每夜都得好眠。
照顾她的我们也是身心疲惫,
因为婆婆体型较大,而且没办法移动了,所以时时刻刻都需要人照料。
除了喂食,还要擦屎尿,换尿布。
她辛苦,我们也难过。

有人说,过得了冬至,或许就过不了新年。
彼岸的船到了,所以很多人都得离开世间,归西去。
婆婆大概也是赶上了这一班船次,解脱去了。
2020年1月18日,晚上8时50分,
阿嫲与世长辞了。

最后一面,没想到这就是我们的最后一面。
 
星期六晚上,我们就这样陪伴婆婆呼完最后一口气,
然后像睡着般跟随菩萨的脚步离去。
我为她涂上口红,梳好银发,在她耳边跟她说:
婆婆,再见了。

这一晚,还是要哭一场的。
毕竟这两个月常常看到婆婆,
即便她已经像个小孩会发脾气,会抱怨,还会重复讲同一句话,
但想到从此就会少了她,
心里还是很难受。
但老天爷已经表示宽容,让我们有更多时间陪伴。
哭完后,还是衷心祝福婆婆一路好走。
孩子们都长大了,放心走吧。

星期日早晨,该处理的还是要处理一番。
没想到白事这门生意还真可以做,而且服务也很好。
七手八脚的,灵堂就处理完好了。
虽然简便,但该行的礼俗还是不能少的。
婆婆以佛教仪式进行丧礼,我觉得很圆满。

20年后再次经历亲人的离去,
已经能够坦然面对临终这回事,
因为它还是会来的。

 
子孙们的花环,
还有公司送来的心意,
只能说现在的老板很有人情味。

华开见佛,
这是慈济人送来的祝福。
婆婆的因缘真好,
真的不容易。

一场又一场的诵经祈福,
功德法会,皆是好因缘。

因姑姑姑丈也是热心的慈济人,
所以引来更多好因缘前来为婆婆诵经。
真的没想到这么多人出席,
感恩大家。

在灵堂的三天,竟然是最人齐的时候。
虽然早就想象过这个画面,
虽然这是婆婆最想看到的画面...
心里的纠结,
因为我们家并不完美。
从此少了婆婆,我们会怎么样?

熬过两晚的守夜,
我在灵堂半睡半醒的,
这经验真的很难忘。

婆婆的最后一程,我们就陪她走完吧。
出殡前,最后的祭拜仪式:
子子孙孙,还有外曾孙。

没想到有这么一天,我也会在这种出租式灵堂,
参与婆婆的最后一里路。

家眷代表回礼,
来的人不算多,毕竟这不是婆婆的家乡。
而且新年快到了。

婆婆的逝去让大家的计划都乱了。
改了好几次的航班,依然没办法见婆婆最后一次面。
我很庆幸,可以陪婆婆直到最后一口气。
原以为能够熬过这新年,
至少,这是我向菩萨恳求的。
但,始终还是没办法啊。

叔叔说,账目由我管理。
天晓得,我的会计很差,但还是承担下来了。
婆婆的因缘真好,不让子孙们为花费操劳。
即便花费庞大,但大家的慰问金还是帮了一个大忙。
我在此感谢大家,你们的心意都受到了。
虽然算来算去,真的伤我脑筋,
但还是圆满了这次的账目结算。
希望不要有下次了吧。

送婆婆上路了,我们的路途遥远。 
 
慈济人特地抽空前来送行,
托姑姑姑丈的福,婆婆的出殡礼还蛮风光的。
我觉得很壮观,也很圆满。

 
我们能做的事,就是完成这个仪式。
都说了,葬礼是留给还活着的人。
你说是不是?

路途遥远,是因为要把婆婆送回家乡,和公公团聚吧。
每次只有清明才会到墓地,
这是我第一次不是清明来到这里。

谢谢这群特地远道而来的勇士们,
辛苦了。

因为很久以前,公公就准备好了这一切。
我们只需按照他的意思,让俩老团圆就好。
忙忙碌碌,奔波了一段路,婆婆终于回家了。
入土为安,是的,这是葬礼。

戴孝,吃素,安分守己。
心情还是糟糟的,想到婆婆还是会难过。
她的照片,影片,遗物等。
现在都成了无价之宝。

别人家的除夕,是婆婆的头七祭拜礼。
一早回乡祭拜,还蛮圆满的。

可是,我想念婆婆了。

最后,大人决定把俩老的神主牌请到檀香寺,
因为方便以后祭拜,
二来价格不贵,
三来,这里很热闹。
我们还吃到了很好吃的素食。

话说,婆婆去世后,我们就开始如素至今。
希望婆婆一路好走,不能再为她开杀业。
后来,初一我们也到寺内祭拜,才发现檀香寺初一好热闹啊~
最后的最后,素食自助餐只需RM12!
也太好吃了吧?!

突然想起了林俊杰的《会有那么一天》,

我要离去别再哭泣,不要伤心请你相信我
要等待我的爱,陪你永不离开
因为会有那么一天,我们牵着手在草原听
鸟儿歌唱的声音,听我说声我爱你....


还有Ed Sheeran的《Afire Love》

Darling hold me in your arms the way you did last night
And we'll lie inside, a little while he wrote
I could look into your eyes until the sun comes up
And we're wrapped in light, in life, in love
Put your open lips on mine and slowly let them shut
For they're designed to be together oh
With your body next to mine our hearts will beat as one
And we're set alight, we're afire love, oh, love

今天以后,无牵挂了。
安详离去的婆婆,会永存在我们的记忆里的。
我无悔,我知道她很疼我的。

20 年前,公公离开了我们,留下婆婆。
20 年后,他们终于在另一个世界相聚了。
他们,也算是圆满了。

This is 2020!

好久以前,我们期待着2020年的到来。
因为它承载着国人的宏远,是最美好的一个年代。
然而,2020转眼间就到来了。
那然后呢?

新的一年并没有在满心期待的情况下到来,而是忧虑与忙碌。
2020,其实也只不过是一个年份,每个人还是要继续年长,继续生活。
原本就没有想要庆祝的跨年,最终还是在友人的邀请下参加了四人聚餐。
唱唱歌,痛快大笑一番,然后在车笼里看着零零散散的烟花迎接2020.

是的,这就是2020。
你有什么心愿吗?

我好像没有什么特别的展望,只希望去年的展望今年可以继续执行。
然后希望身边的人事物都可以快乐安康,国泰民安。
最后还是希望人类从地球上消失吧。
少了人类,地球才得以永存。

说是极端,也不完全。
我憧憬的是美好的新世界,可惜一切都有点太迟了。
续亚马逊的森林大火,澳洲现在也陷入火焰当中。
树熊与袋鼠们的死亡率飙高是最惨痛的损失,
还有很多很多野生动物和树林在这次大火中牺牲。
这已经不再是地球给人类的警告。
这是世界末日的开始。

2020可以再美好一些吗?
当你还在网购买新衣物与产品同时,海洋的鱼量正慢慢减少,30年后塑料垃圾将取代它们。
当你还想着周末要上哪儿吃一顿好吃的时候,地球的北极熊正瘦骨如才,渐渐死去。
当你还在想着如何赚多一些钱的时候,地球也沦陷在二氧化碳上升的红色警报,灾害不断。
关于你的自私,你还是需要承担后果。

人类耗尽了地球上的资源,已经来不及复原了。
我们越是进步,地球就越快毁灭。
如果地球还能够拥有10-20年的时间,我们真的应该偷笑。
但就算真的有这样的时间,那也是痛苦的开始。

90年代的孩子,我们见证了幸福的年代,但也很快就要面对最艰难的日子。
上一代将不会为以后的地球负责,如果我们不做点什么,你的孩子就不会有未来。
所以,还生孩子来干什么?
关键,我们就是关键。

大地有它复原的能力,但人类是绊脚石。
少数族群的努力争取远远比不上大众的挥霍与自私,
人类终究还是要付出代价的。
2020年,我们要改变的不再是自己而已。
2020年,不为地球做点什么,那你就别存在了,别浪费资源。
2020年,继续奋斗吧,你一定可以做点什么的。

我想,这一年,我真的有很多事情可以做。
不然,我会讨厌我自己。
新一年,继续早起,继续付出。

祝福2020,祈祷世界更美好。








So Long, 2019.

2019 ahhhhhh~~
Why you leave so soon?
I remember how I said Hi to 2019,
now it is ending?!

I have not much time for grandmother stories.
But I would like to remember a few things in 2019.
It means a lot to me, because this year, I gained so much, 
and of course, lost something else too.

Highlights of 2019!

January
Coping with new job is always challenging.
But I think I did well so far.

And thank you Yunnan and Bangkok for a memorable time.
It was simple but nice.

February
Officially 28, I am proud of myself.
But there's so much I can do, so much I want to offer.

CNY was fun, spend less money,
spend more time.

March
Seeing the 4kg nephew baby for the first time, oh boy!
He is so damn cute, I cannot~~~

April
Goodbye ex GM, Hello new GM.
I believe, everything happens for a good reason.

May
Completed my probation, well done to myself.
These 6 months were amazing, seeing more green warriors inspire me always!

June
Alright, getting a house is not easy.
But I am getting one, one life goal achieved!

July
Baby ZYue is here!
And now she grows up into a cutie pie~

Work is fun but there's so much to learn.
Visitation and events, yes eyes opening.

August

A holiday to the far far away country ONCE AGAIN!
A truly unexpected one, but I worked for it!

Milan and Lake Como, Merano and the green valleys
I love the road trips okay?

September
Far far away trip ended, and I was really sad.
I just love to travel with people I love. But...

My heart shattered into pieces, oh Happy...
You waited for me and I know it, RIP.

One big challenge in 2019, we made it!
Goodbye PGIGCE, you've been good.

October
Yes, my best friend's wedding in Kedah.
You got my blessings!

Work is more and more challenging.
Transformation is really something for all of us.

November
Mr.E brightened up my days.
Life is so much better when there's someone who love-hate you.

ROM and more weddings.
Please don't ask me when is my turn.

And aha!
Baby Kerwin is here, but I still haven't hold him yet!

December
I got a second chance to watch JJ's concert, oh boy!
That was a lucky and crazier one!

Attended an intensive workshop that inspired me.
Working in the environmental sector is never easy.

Grandma had a critical situation that somehow brought everyone together.
I have fear, but no one lives forever.

_______________________________________

And so, 2019 is a beautiful year.
Seeing my friends getting married and having babies,
it is scary, but it is wonderful at the same time.

Losing someone you love is also heartbroken, 
it hurts so badly that I can really feel the pain inside.
Nothing is scarier than not having that someone in your life again.

But life is not just about happy and sad.
We have so much more to feel, 
so much more we can give.

Life is also about growing wiser ad stronger.
we have so much strength inside, we just need t to discover it.
Just like how most of the movies teach us about courage.

I think 2019 is a fruitful year for me.
Definitely need to give more than I can receive in the coming new year.
I always have so much to do, but always stuck.

Anyway, less is more.
Getting used to shop nothing life cause I cannot shop like last time anymore.
Less plastic, more patience.
I m getting there, zero waste lifestyle.
It makes me happier and crazier as well, haha!

One last thank you, 2019.
Not very sure how well I did,
but definitely better than the year before.

So long, good bye.



Shocking December!

Before December started, I had a great time with my working colleagues,
as we completed our one last event of 2019.
The GALA night.

Our happy faces once the job was done.
Awesome guys!

My team.
Thank you for all the help and guidance all year long.
My first year is now completed.

So December, officially my second year at this organisation.
It started with a shocking adventure, haha!
I got the chance to watch JJ's concert, second round!
I thought I went in 2018, now is totally a surprise.
Haha, it was free, and VIP ticket, so MUST NOT MISS IT! 
Crazy Friday where we bought the flight ticket and flew the next day.
Of course, it was an extra expense for me,
but we are young!

Woah!
I seriously didn't think of this.
JJ amazed me once again, especially when he sang his new songs.
I am always in love with this talented guy.

We had the perfect seat, balcony view in the suite, free dinner, special entrance as well.
It was so hot and exciting.
However, the outdoor concert has a problem with echo.
Other than that, I am happy. 

With these crazy girls, of course, my boss who offered me the opportunity randomly.
We had a quick escape for less than 24 hours, gosh.
Thank you so much for the VIP opportunity and also the food and Grab expenses.
Going out with jie jies is so good.
Love~


Ahah, met my little cousin there, ops!

December is still a busy and mood-less month. 
I was assigned to attend a 5 days intensive workshop in KL.
KL is my nightmare.
Opening ceremony with guests from everywhere.
Ms Chang from MESTECC gave me a goosebump.
She is so calm and steady when she talks with her own style.
Knowledgeable and wisdom, really amazed me. 

We were divided into 7 groups to pitch for different ideas on how to tackle single-use plastic issue.
These are the men in my group.
Yes, I was the only lady here.
Working hard on our ideas and arguements.

I am so glad I was in this group.
Chuck is a smart lecturer.
Paran is a shy but happy guy.
Kent is funny and outspoken boy, I would said.
And Faisal, an inspiring green warrior who guided us in the main idea.

5 days were long and stressful for all of us.
But we had a lot of food and meals.
Last day, our final pitch!

My cute colleague did an awesome job in pitching her idea.
Go PGC!

Our group with supportive members behind.
We did a great job too, at least the feedback is not bad.

Thank you guys for truly inspiring 5 days.
I am so glad to be in this group, they guided me and took care of me.
Keep up your good jobs k?!

A photo with our dearest coordinator cum moderator from everywhere.
Mr. Marteen, Ms Shima, Ms Beatrix and Mr.Dash.
Keep inspiring people and see you again!

And little me in sharing session.
I do not really enjoy public speaking, but well.
Still an awesome experience.

Anyhow, 5 days in KL during Christmas season?
 
Come on, let's meet up and have some fun time under the Christmas tree~~~
Went to Mid Valley for some relaxing moment, not too bad huh?

So bye KL, see you soon.

December is a stressful month when all the grandparents were taking turn to fall sick.
Especially grandma!

 
Depressed and scared when I saw her in critical.
The feeling sucked.

 
You scared me and all of us!
But so grateful that she recovers slowly, although she can hardly move by herself now.

Everyone came back to see her as if this could be one last goodbye.
Days and nights we spent to take care of her, because it was really bad.
Sleepless night and worries, we pray for her to recover.

Thank god after 2 weeks in hospital, she is now discharged.
But still, she needs more cares than before.

Please get well soon okay?
She is the reason why we are still together.
Pray hard.

And so, little boy came back as well so we spent some precious time together 
although everyone was tired.
Little boy cheeered us up.
 
I miss you k, cutie pie~

December had been good and bad to me, 
but thank you for giving me the time I needed.
With no regret, I spend all the time I can with family and friends.
A quick celebration with my dear friend.
Merry Chrismas!

And a gift from my company on the last day I work.
Tadaa! Expensive spectacles. 
December, you really did train me hard.
Thank you and I am truly grateful for what was given to me.
May everyone is healthy and happy.
Peace.