2020的开始就是地球人的劫数，相信也是有史以来数一数二最难熬的日子。
武汉封城了，我们虽然没有封城，但也实行了行动管制令，
3月18日开始至今，大家就这样度过了无数日又爱又恨的无期“宅家假期”。
虽然还是要上班的，就在家里自己工作，可是心情真的是很不一样。
手头上的工作都七七八八了，剩下的就是要开自己的积极主动，找事做。
可是也感恩自己还可以工作，日子过得比较充实一些，而且更重要的是有收入。
有收入是目前最开心的事，然后就是身体健康，亲友平安。
度过了39个宅家的漫长日子，从第一阶段的14天、然后第二阶段、第三阶段，
还有第四个阶段，56天够吗？应该还会再延长吧？
我不想解令了又二度实行管制令，那会很煎熬，还是一次性延长吧。
目前过了2个阶段，第三个阶段已经是我的极限，真不知道第四个阶段我会怎么样。
宅家的日子，网络就是命，如果连网络也断了，那么大家应该会疯狂。
可是网络有好有坏，除了联系彼此，娱乐什么的，它的不好就是资讯太多。
大家都在拼命刷存在感，煮了什么料理，做了多少分钟运动，开发了什么新手艺等等。
看到美食还真难熬，我也想吃寿司、蛋糕、披萨啊~
可是现在的情况，还是能省则省，就防个万一。
我也是刷个存在感，和平常一样。
没有出门，没有聚会的日子，好像慢慢的习惯了。
家里的狗儿是我的好朋友，手机是我的伙伴。
衣服也懒得换，但是洗澡让我保持清醒，所以我还是爱干净的。
这么长的时间，除了工作，我都干嘛去了呢？我也不知道。
基本上，睡醒后要来一个伸展热身，让自己的身体不那么紧绷。
洗个澡，打开电脑后，再吃点什么。
工作时间保持工作，偶尔会小睡。
下班后，尽可能找些娱乐还是课外活动来做，比如：
9宫格数字Sudoku，不然就是eco brick，看一些书，冷制皂等。
反正我有很多事可以做，就看我要不要嘛。
在家也是很忙的，因为接了帮助慈济制作面罩的义务工作，
每一次100件，现在差不多做了1000件了吧？
3个人的力量，这是唯一我觉得有意义的工作，希望前线医疗人员可以好好利用。
唯一不开心的事，这些最后都会变成垃圾，塑料垃圾啊~~~~
在拯救人类和拯救地球之间，我一定是选择拯救地球的。
因为这场瘟疫的出现，原本就是来帮助平衡世界地球人口。
人类太多了，地球会受不了。
然而，说到最后，面罩还是要做的。
新型冠状肺炎，谁不怕？
我也很怕，可是势不可挡，怕有什么用？
现在这种局面，宅家最安全，只是无期徒刑啊~
心里的感触满满，因为外头有人无家，有人挨饿，有人无收入，失业率飙升。
流浪狗猫无人喂食，蔬果花卉被迫毁掉，还有有家归不得的前线人员。
因为无法想象各种处境的辛苦，所以只能乖乖在家，努力终止病毒传播链。
多出来的时间，是应该为自己增值的。
看见大家那么努力秀出自己参加了什么课程，学习什么新学识，
这会让人感到无形压力吗？
我觉得有一些，可是这种情况会比我自己上进吗？
我是应该把之前写过的清单一条一条完成，对。
现在有的时间，如果还是没法完成，那完全就是自律问题无疑。
未来的14天，是发挥的时候了！
其实我也学习了新的技能：饭锅蛋糕、Soduku、对西洋棋有所认知，
然后看了一部韩剧，无数电影，线上演唱会等，说不上什么大成就，
可是我觉得也是很值得开心的事。
然后大概是没吃肉，加上早上的小运动，理想体重达标了！
这个是很开心的，哈哈！
有篇文章这么说：疫情后，大部分人明白的8件事
这里简单检讨一下自己：
1.要有存款 - 手头虽然没有狠紧，但也不松。不会饿肚子就要感恩了。
2.要有房子 - 有屋瓦遮风挡雨，真的很重要。
3.努力工作 - 有工作，但还要更努力。
4.学习极简生活 - 去年开始就极简学习，减掉了爱买的坏习惯。
5.学会看书 - 没什么在看书，但爱看网络灵异小说，话说我的喜好竟然变了！
6.适度运动 - 没什么运动，就小小的暖身与拉筋，也很重要的啦。
7.学会孤独 - 其实家里有人很幸福，要真的孤独，我还学不会。
8.珍惜眼前人 - 来不及好好道别，很多人就这样分隔两地。想说，这样的感觉，糟透了。
疫情的好坏，怎么演变，其实都是在我们的手里吧？
即便我国能够好起来，其他国家若没办法回复，我们的日子还是回不到过去。
大概我们以后的生活习惯就会完全改变了，口罩洗手液是必需品，
保持距离，减少聚会，少出门，这都是以后的生活条规。
戏院、演唱会什么的，可能真的就这样没了。
气候变迁还来不及毁灭地球人，瘟疫就先收拾一遍了。
果然，大自然还是很强大的。
人类只是地球上的客人，该走的时候还是要走的。
期待地球的修复，还有人类的觉悟。
有时候，金钱真的买不到健康，病毒也不会选择肤色或国家，这样很公平。
也因此，人类才显得很渺小。
无论如何，希望疫情赶快消失吧。
生活突然改变，真的好像在看电影一样，
难过，却又束手无策。
全人类，加油！
From February To March 2020
I am not really looking into the future at the moment.
Ever since grandmother passed away in January, my life has changed a little bit.
And the Covid-19 virus pandemic is also crazier than before.
I stopped eating animals for a reason.
My first hike up to Penang Hill, one day.
It was so tiring but yet satisfying at the same time.
Then here came February, used to be my favourite month.
But not this year.
Still, thank you my Amigo besties for giving me these beautiful roses.
And some other gifts from friends and colleagues.
There are people who remember you,
there are people who don't.
I do count the number of people who actually care.
And then an unexpected sunshine delivered.
A few days later after my birthday.
Well, late is better than never.
Thank you Mr.E.
My ridiculous request for birthday present, haha.
They must be wondering why.
XD
Anyway, birthday was on a working day.
It was my pleasure to be able to work with CM on that day.
What a busy day.
Then CM took a selfie with us, wuuhoooo!!!
Unexpected surprise, haha!
I forgot how February flew away, I know it was not easy.
But we nailed it.
We took our first corporate photos~
What a fun morning to visit Sia Buey Park too~
The team, the best so far.
Random with the girls~
And counting of blessings~
Though this year had not been a fruitful year due to the closed one passed away.
And our own giant Lao Sang.
This was huge. I swear.
Party in the meeting room, always have good food.
But since I m no longer animal eater for now,
I had less choice.
Another unexpected concert for the aunties.
In fact, the concert is really good.
I enjoyed myself too cause I can sing 90% of the old songs by 蔡琴。
Thank you boss for giving out the free tickets.
I love it.
And so cousin has decided to join the F&B.
A new vegetarian stall for everyone, yay!
Come and support please?
Kimchii noodle and dry pan mee.
I like pan mee better.
Mushroom teh and Lei Cha.
Something new for you huh?
Anyway, I wish them all the best and don't spend money like water again ok?
It is not easy to gain profits.
But don't give up.
So February was a mixed feelings month.
I am getting numb.
Working with masks?
Another working with masks?
The sad thing is,
March came in like a wrecking ball.
Our voted government collapsed in one night.
Damn those betrayers, I still hate you all.
And the reasons behind backdoors.
Life sucks sometimes.
2020 is not really a good year.
Maybe doomsday is on its way.
I am sorry too if you feel bad about this year.
But there's nothing much we can change for now.
Just stay home and stay pretty okay?
A Story Time
"I’m not good at writing. This is not going to be a storyline beautifully written. It will be my memories. My feelings in moments with you. Nothing much. But I hope when you read it it will make you play a movie in your head. Like it runs in my head.
Even though you might not believe it I still remember the very first time that you turned around in the car to say hi. That was the very first time that I met you. Though I have to say that it was unexpected to see another person in that car. We spent the day in Penang and it made me truly happy. Not that I fell in love with you on that day. Just had a feeling you were a nice young lady. But I have to admit that I wanted to impress you. One way to show my manners was to always walk on the outside of the road. I didn’t do that to impress you at first but I could see that it did impress you so I continued to do it.
The day passed by in a blur and after I got back to my place I was just happy to have found locals and made friends. When I saw u uploading the pictures on your Facebook and spelling my name as Stefen. I had to smile. To be honest I didn’t understand why u would upload all your pictures on Facebook in the beginning. Now I do. Because I can look through them whenever needed. And the dates provide a kind of diary as well. Thank you for that. You have always been wiser than me.
The next distinct moment that I remember with you was when I messaged you from that hut at Langkawi. I asked you why you are still awake. It was 4 am in the morning. And I saw you still being online so I decided to message you. That is kind of how our story started. You told me chocolate and alcohol are cheap and I should bring you kisses. Didn’t know kisses at all. But bought them. And gave them to you the day I went to USM with my sister. You gave me bananas. I remember that.
After that, I started to like the coffee hour. Because whenever that day arrived and I got to walk the stairs up to the international office I knew you were there. And slowly every time I saw you this feeling of butterflies in my stomach evolved. This feeling of being excited to see another person just because that person is there. The excitement when you are in that same room with her and you just try to look at her without her noticing. I don’t know how it felt for you but that’s how it felt for me.
The conversations we had on Facebook messenger. That timeline is like a timeline of our story. It's all still there. Me messaging you and trying to be funny. You responding. Two people starting a conversation that became a highlight of my daily routine. Damn, I didn’t plan this. I didn’t plan on meeting someone that would touch my soul. That would be interested in me. That would raise feelings of needing to be close to her just because being in the same room with her gave me peace. And excitement and happiness all at the same time.
I remember you taking me out for dinner after Coffee hour. The first picture I snapped from you. It is attached. Walking from university to the food stalls. Buying Berita Kampus from you even though I could not read a single article. Just because I would be able to meet you in person. To have this feeling of seeing you and being physically close to you.
Meeting you in the museum. Going through that cutlery display. That you reported on. Even though I had no idea about it. Watching you walking through the museum and going through the artefacts. Being physically close to you. God, what are you doing to me? What is happening? This feeling of liking someone like that. Consuming me and eating me up. Wanting to spend every single minute with you and at the same time being confused and happy while constantly checking your Facebook for any other guys that might be some kind of competition. That day at the museum was the first time I really felt a connection between you and me. Like I thought to myself wow I never told this kind of stuff to any other girl. Sharing my thoughts and feelings. All so private. All so intimate. Never shared that stuff with a girl before. But after that day I felt the connection.
Next scene. Inviting you to the play. You like art. I didn’t understand a single word of the play. I wanted to support a friend. But more I wanted to see you. Just to be in the same room as you. You being physically close. Nothing else but you. Watching Godzilla with you. Asking you to follow so you would just be there. That was all that counted at that moment. You being there.
Farlim. The night we drove to Farlim night market. Really enjoyed myself. Eating through everything. With Justice in the car. When he turned around on campus and bumped his car. Arriving at Farlim. Going through the market. You being so cute and nervous. Telling me you can eat this and that. You wanna try here? You wanna try this? Me telling you to relax. Not being able to touch you but wanting to touch you so badly. You were so cute. So tiny and cute. Not knowing how close we actually were to your home. To your mum and your grandparents. I m smiling whenever I think about it now.
The bus stop. Getting satay for you. Walking to Aman. Suddenly calling you and sitting at the bus stop. You brought me something to drink. God, we were so cute. That was for me the reason when I realized that this is the girl that stole my heart. Right when we sat there. Right after I walked back and already missed you the moment you went back to the hostel. That magic moment when we listened to that song. Like ships in the night. Sitting there and wanting to be close to you. Actually had this silly idea recently of asking you to marry you right there. With that song playing in the background. That would be the spot where I want to ask you.
Going to Queensbay with you on my birthday. Walking to berlin beer house wanting to hold your hand so badly. Like I said. Just a fragment in our timeline. A memory of mine. I remember walking back to Queensbay from the beerhouse wanting to hold your hand so badly. So so badly. The day we spent in Penang together. I remember cycling through town with you. We took a picture together. You took that picture that I still have as Facebook profile pic. Was happy to spent time with you. Just spent time with you as much as I can.
I believe that you need to live through experiences in life to say that you have lived. You gave me so many of those moments. So many moments that are shooting through my head. I could not get enough of being close to you anymore. I had to have you around all the time. As long as you were around me and you were here I felt alive. I felt good. It felt right. Was I selfish? Yes I was. So selfish. But I could not help myself.
I knew I was leaving. But I wanted to be with you. You gave me a feeling I never had before. This feeling of being someone that mattered to someone else. You liked me too. Me of all people. I didn’t understand it but I wanted more. I made you spend time with me even though it was always meant to end. I didn’t want to hurt you but I was going to. Because I was leaving. Time was short. It was precious. It was a blur. It was unreal and real and alive and scary and all at the same time.
I didn’t come to Malaysia to meet a girl. I came because as a fifteen-year-old boy I fell in love with the country and its people and I could not forget about it. I still cannot forget about it. My eyes become watery every time I watch a youtube video listening to someone talking Malaysian English. I remember the smell of curry on my fingers. The warm air while sitting in a mamak eating nasi kandar. The taste of teh tarik. My life has been in two worlds and my heart has not settled anywhere. I don’t feel at home when I m back in Germany. I feel at home when I m in Malaysia.
Its always you: When I tell you that I mean that you are the girl that gives me butterflies. That makes me feel insecure and helpless every time I stand before you because you mean so much to me. That first moment when I see you after a long time at the airport that always sweeps me off my feet. That always completely knocks me out because you are so beautiful to me. Inside and out. So precious. So valuable. I just am stupid because I do not show you anymore. I just write. And Say. But don’t do.
Once I wrote this sentence: Every ending is a new beginning. I wrote it because every ending with you I want it to be a new beginning so that this thing between us never ends. So that I never need to stop loving you. Whatever I do or did was stupid because I forgot that. I’m helpless with you. Clueless. But I Love you. And you will always be that one girl for me.
It's always you."
Thank you March 15th.
THE END.
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